DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T HAVE A DARK OR HIGHLY JUDGEMENTAL SENSE OF HUMOUR
Seeing that I’ve posted any more heavy stuff could well cause you to run away with hands clutching your jugular, croaking ‘don’t force me to swallow any more contrived self-help crap’…
It’s okay, I like being bitter and cynical from time to time as well.
I am going to spontaneously list things I don’t like as I come across them for a couple of days. I will try and justify why, but at times I will probably have no reason other than my general hatred for mankind. Here goes.
1) People who consume that specific, stinking kind of pre-packed plastic food in an enclosed space, causing the whole area to stink of sausage burps. I think I would rather suffer carbon monoxide poisoning, at least then you’re not aware that you’re being choked to death. Vile.
2) People who insist everything is a life lesson (lol @ me). Yes, lessons can be garnered from the most awful of experiences, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing can be reduced to something as cleanly instructive as a ‘lesson’. It can be pretty insulting to be told to focus only on the lesson aspect when the other parts of the experience are completely overwhelming and debilitating.
3) Dry hair (lol @ me). If looking at your hair makes me gasp for water like Jesus after 40 days and nights in the desert then there is something going very wrong. You owe it to yourself to hydrate those desiccated follicles.
4) Hypocrisy (this is just a mirror for my self-hatred).
5) People who allow you to continue your behaviour before they ‘snap’ all of a sudden and drop every tier of Dante’s inferno upon you, one by one. Speak up when you first get upset or angry instead of letting me blindly walk into your wrath! Let me know I am upsetting you while I am still able to do something to make it better!
6) Bad coffee aka watery potato broth.
7) Bad breath in an individual I am forced to correspond with, even if for a brief period of time. I am not talking about normal bad breath- breath that falls within the average toxicity parameters- I am talking about the putridity that brings tears to your eyes and makes you think of the last time you told your parent you loved them. We have all been there.
8) Getting blamed for something I actually wasn’t responsible for.
9) Snoring (@ my dad). Depriving someone of sleep on a continual basis is an actual form of torture. Stop torturing the people you love and buy a nose stent for goodness’ sake.
10) Papery thin walls. If I can hear next door blowing their nose and telling Sammy to do his biology homework through the wall then we all might as well be in one big communal room. I can even help Sammy with his homework then.
11) Being tickled. It was okay back in the day but now I’m 18 years old it’s just unpleasant. And my pelvic floor isn’t what it used to be, I will wet myself.
12) When your hand stinks after stroking a friend’s dog. Why are you not washing your dog and how on earth do you give it the physical attention it deserves knowing your hand will arise afterwards smelling of decaying meat and regret.
13) People who think drinking and taking drugs is cool, and do it for that reason alone, instead of, I don’t know, because they genuinely want and have reasons to.
14) Feeling lonely.
15) People who are painfully pretentious and unwavering about their music tastes. How can you know that you ‘definitely don’t like it’ IF YOU HAVE NEVER LISTENED TO IT- ARE YOU RAVEN? CAN MAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE? AAAAAAAARRRRRRGRRRGHHHH
bubbye + lots of love (and good luck for exams if you have them)